life in general

sometimes no matter what you do life is hard, it doesnt matter if u are doing what ur supposed to or not. It just cant always go ur way. Y? thats what i wanna know/ shouldnt everyone be able to pursue their dreams? I guess it doesnt always work that way. last night i told my husband I wanted to go to school. I am tired of sitting around doing nothing, I am not satisfied with my life. My life, not my family life, my family life is fine I love my kids and my husband! But there has to be more to fufill my days. I feel all antsy. but anyways i told him an he just said hmmm. an than he got mad cuz i was keeping him awake? I dont really know if he doesnt want me to go? or if he was just tired. it seems like since we moved here we dont talk anymore. Ya know when you have been with a person for a long time? (10 yrs here) Do u sometimes wonder about where that person went to? how do ppl change and become completely different? Sometimes I get so aggravated! I want to smash something. Lucky for my family i have managed to keep my anger reigned in lol. I guess I am to the point where I want to do this! I want to better my life, my kids life and i want to show them that women are more than just moms and wifes. I dont want my kids to come home from college and think wow my mom is stupid lol i want to be able to hold an intellectual conversation with them when the time comes! And I want them to GO to college! I want them to know that it is important! So if I dont do it how will they know? I dont want them to struggle and i want them to respect me! and I want to be able to afford to save for college, my oldest is ten. i have no money saved for his college at all, it scares the hell out of me! I know that there is benifits to having a stay at home mom, but my kids are all gonna be in school soon, than what am i gonna do? I also wqant my kids to have respect for me! I love them with everything in me, its very impoprtant to me to make their life better in any way and i believe a college degree and a good job will help with that, so I can save money for what they need, or if they need shoes i dont have to worry about what bill i am gonna have to cut short to afford them!! Dont get me wrong my husband makes decent money but we are a 6 person household. There is always something that we need!